Well, it's that time. My puppy is almost 6 months old and we've decided that means it's time to go ahead and get her spayed.
And I'm nervous about it. I know we need to do it, I know it's the right decision but I am nervous. I really just want to put it off until later. When that later may be, I wouldn't know.... just not now.
But I feel a little silly, why am I nervous? It's a veterinarian clinic that we trust, it's a procedure that is done all the time and it's just what a responsible pet owner does. We've always had our dogs spayed or neutered. So why am I nervous?
I wonder if I feel this way because it signifies that she isn't so small a puppy any more? My puppy and my daughter are moving too fast for me to catch up – I often think, “Slow down, slow down; give me more time!” as they rush through each moment of growing, growing, growing.
Or perhaps it's just that you never what might happen. Sure, it's a common procedure but you never know. She could react to the anesthetic or... I don't know... something.
Maybe it's because I have come to realize that despite the taint of favoritism, she is my favorite dog ever. She is the best dog I have ever had – as both an adult and a child. We bonded and... I won't be there to love on her and soothe her after the surgery. I have to leave her there overnight and I know she will be scared. I know her doggy brain will be wondering where I am.
All these things combine to give me butterflies in my stomach and make me wish I could cancel the appointment and worry about this later... further down the road and certainly not tomorrow or next week or even the week after.
But I can't and besides, my husband would never let me get away with it. Which means the appointment is tomorrow. And that's pretty much that. Except I am looking at her right now and oh, I feel guilty! She hasn't eaten since this morning so she can go into surgery on an empty stomach (as per our orders from the vet) and man, was she asking for food earlier! Now she is stretched out at my feet and she has no idea what tomorrow will bring. She's probably dreaming about balls or food or chasing squirrels and that's for the best.
So tomorrow, please, please think healthy and healing thoughts towards my puppy. I want her back, Cone of Shame and all. I want her safe. I want her unafraid and loved. I want her to forget all about the experience as quick as possible and go back to running as fast as her growing legs can carry her.
Think those healing thoughts hard.
(and thank you for each and every one of them!)